As I tucked her in tonight

I sobbed. Yep, I admit it. I cried like a baby.

On one hand, I am so happy Brenna is turning one tomorrow. I love the age - it is so fun and exciting. I'm proud of the little girl she is becoming, and yet, I'm heartbroken that my time with her as a true baby is over.

Truth be told, Brenna was a toddler well before she was a one-year-old, but even so, the age is a big step. For her nap this afternoon and at bedtime tonight, I didn't just put her in her crib, kiss her and close the door as usual. No, I rocked her like I used to do every night.

As I was rocking what I thought was a sleeping almost-birthday-girl, she pulled back from me, looked me square in the eye, giggled, and then put her head back on my shoulder, with her arms wrapped in a tight hug. She never did that as an infant, of course, and it was the best thing she could have done.

When I was in the hospital with her last year, my most precious moments were in the very early morning, just me and her, laying in my hospital bed, cuddling her in my arms. I told myself to remember those moments forever. Tonight, I not only held her tight, she held me tight right back. It's a new memory I want to keep forever. How could I not be excited about her turning one after that?

This morning, when Jamie asked her, "Where's Mommy?" she actually turned to me with her arms open and said, "Mommy!" Not just, "Ma," (or "Mmmmmm!" or "Maaarrgghh!")but, "Mommy." I loved it.

Tomorrow is the first of so many bittersweet milestones. But as long as Brenna is happy and healthy, nothing else matters, it's really all just sweet, I know. We are so lucky.