10 happy days

I have not been keeping up with my blog lately.

For 10 happy days recently, we believed that Brenna was going to be a big sister. Only 20 months older than her sibling! It was such a surprise, and we were soooo excited. I took many tests, all of which showed a positive second line, and finally one that looked like this. As telling as that test was, I still didn't quite believe it, so I went to the doctor and the pregnancy was confirmed!

The doctor gave me more confidence, and we enthusiastically took pictures of Brenna to tell our families. We revealed the secret to my parents, Erin, Rob, Kelly, Ian, Mike, Camille, Ryan and Courtney at different points this week, and I had planned on giving the stack of pictures to Jamie's parents at a Father's Day BBQ this Sunday when we saw them in person.

We talked about how Brenna would have to move to a big-girl-bed before she was two and how we would need a double stoller. We listed our favorite baby names. We joked that I'd be 9 months pregant for my 30th birthday (no drinking), but no longer pregnant for family weddings during the summer of 2009 (lots of drinking). We seriously discussed our financial situation. We even talked about how Maura, Brenna and Bobby had us covered for perfect condition baby-clothes-hand-me-downs. We talked about it every minute we were together.

I planned on keeping the secret from most people until after we heard the heartbeat at my first ultrasound on July 10th when I'd be 10 weeks pregnant.

However, over the weekend I was becomming skeptical again. At 5 weeks pregant, I had not even one pregnancy symptom (I had symptoms before 4 weeks with Brenna), and on Monday, we found out that there was a reason for it.

Miscarriages are far too common. I was surrounded by them when I was pregnant with Brenna, and I knew what a miracle she was. But, when it happens to you, it's still crushing.

We are doing fine. Monday was hard because I had to work until 10:30 p.m. at an event that I helped plan, and I had to put it out of my mind all day long. Jamie had his class, and we didn't get a chance to really talk or see each other. When the long, hard day was finally over, I got home and sobbed with him.

I took yesterday off with Brenna, and Jamie and I are really both okay. We know that we are so fortunate with what we have right now.

Most importantly, we have the comfort of believing that Brenna really will be a big sister someday.